Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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