I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
