The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
