All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
