I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
