just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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