I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
