Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
