do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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