I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
