Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
