lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Randomize
