she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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