So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You ate ashes out of my bong
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
