I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
