I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
