hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
