she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
