did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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