Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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