today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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