Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
the liver wants what the liver wants
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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