I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
