my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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