theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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