Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
