Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
