My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
MIDGETS
????
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
