I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
did i just pee glitter
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
