My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
