So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
