Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
they're like a gay fantastic four
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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