I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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