I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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