Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
