she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
