Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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