I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
