Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
