Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Two words: blizzard sex
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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