Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
