Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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