M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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