Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I booty called her while she was in labor.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
