some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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