Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
How external is "for external use only"?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
