I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
