I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You are the jesus of drinking
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
