you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
