i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
one two three fourrrrnication!
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
