last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
