I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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