Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
