did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
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