is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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